the Use of Computers in Schools(求英语大神修改)

With the development of the internet,the computers have
played a more and more important roal in people's life particularly in student's
rountine study and entertaiments.It is to us all that the internet can make our
life much easier.For instance,we can use computers to find information what we
can hardly find in books.Thanks to the computers , no matter where we are we
can keep touch with our close friends and relatives . But a coin has tow
size, there are many bad things if we can not use the computers correctlly.A
lots of students are fond of computer games like the federal of the heros,which
make them stay at the dormitory all the day and waste a large amount of time.On
the basis of a study if a person always abuse of the computers, one would be
less outgoing and optimistic.

In my point of view,we should use the right way to take all the advanteges of
the computers .That we want the benefits from the computers is based on our
healthy and our normal learning so we should try our best to aviod scaning the
bad information and contry the time that we shared on the internet.If we can use
the computer properly ,we can benefit ourselves a lot.

1,the computers have played a more and more important roal in。。。
这句有两个错误,应该用现在进行时,the computers are playing a ...
roal 拼错,应该是role

2,particularly in student‘s ...
这里最好改成 students' ,意思更确切点。

3,It is to us all that the internet can make our life much easier。
这里两个错误,第一个大概是你漏写了,没有it is to us all 这个说法。那就改成“众所周知”吧,As is known to all。后面make our life much easier 我觉得这里将much easier 改成 much more convenient 更好噢!

4, use computers to find information 这里 find 是找到的意思,而你是想强调搜索的过程,最好改成 search for 。后面用 hardly find 就是对的。

5,keep touch with 改成 keep in touch with。

6, two sides 。不是size 。

7,there are many bad things 最好改成 there will be many bad results。

8,computer games like the federal of the heros,这里like 改成such as。

9,at the dormitory all the day 这里 all the day 不对, all day 或者 all day long。

10, always abuse of the computers 这里应该是abused 后面没of 。虚拟语气。

11,one would be less outgoing and optimistic. 这里 one 不对,改成he or she would be 更好。

12,we should use the right way to take all the advanteges of the computers 这里改成 we should take all ...by using the right way 更好。

13,based on our healthy 这里healthy 改成 health。

14,that we shared on the internet 这里shared 改成 spend 。

我用心回答了,望采纳~ :)
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第1个回答  2014-04-28
roal 应该是 role吧 角色的意思 .