第1个回答 2009-08-06
This bar chart illustrates the percentage of people who receive high level education in China from 1990 to 2004. Clearly, the proportion of people receiving tertiary education shows an upward trend. (It is ....这种句型少用 在IELTS还好 如果是在sat的写作中 或是 国外大学的写作中 这种句式会被视为redundant and vague 但是有一些词是必须用的 比如说 It is incumbent upon...., etc)
According to the graph, the number of students enrolled in higher education slightly increased from 1990(about 4%) to 1994 (approximately 11%) in China. What is more, this figure doubled during the next two years, arriving at rougly 22%. From 1996 onwards, substantial increasei is noticed in the number of Chinese students studied in tertiary education, amounting to approximately 10% (between the years from 1996 to 1998 and to 2000 respectively) 括号中的话有问题 因为没有图 我不知道具体情况是什么样的 但是语法上是肯定错的,confusing~. In adiition, the number of Chinese students who took high leverl education ascended precipitously from 45% 65% between 2000 and 2002, a figure which rose to almost 70%.
Therefore, it can be clearly seen from the bar diagram that the numbers in higher education in China has a dramatical rise between 1990 and 2004. (wordy....)
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第2个回答 2009-07-25
This bar chart illustrates the percentage of people who receive high level education in China from 1990 to 2004. Clearly, the proportion of people receiving tertiary education shows an upward trend. (It is ....这种句型少用 在IELTS还好 如果是在sat的写作中 或是 国外大学的写作中 这种句式会被视为redundant and vague 但是有一些词是必须用的 比如说 It is incumbent upon...., etc)
According to the graph, the number of students enrolled in higher education slightly increased from 1990(about 4%) to 1994 (approximately 11%) in China. What is more, this figure doubled during the next two years, arriving at rougly 22%. From 1996 onwards, substantial increasei is noticed in the number of Chinese students studied in tertiary education, amounting to approximately 10% (between the years from 1996 to 1998 and to 2000 respectively) 括号中的话有问题 因为没有图 我不知道具体情况是什么样的 但是语法上是肯定错的,confusing~. In adiition, the number of Chinese students who took high leverl education ascended precipitously from 45% 65% between 2000 and 2002, a figure which rose to almost 70%.
Therefore, it can be clearly seen from the bar diagram that the numbers in higher education in China has a dramatical rise between 1990 and 2004. (wordy....)
给你写一份英文的评价
Suggestion & Comments:
The wirter shows a good range of vocabulary; however, the usages of some of the words are either incorrect or inappropriate.
In terms of content, the arthor shows some understanding of the graph. Nevertheless, I suggest him/her to eliminate the third paragraph; instead, adding more analytical information may be a better idea.
The writer, albeit use the grammar correctly some of the time, has flaws in sentence structure and difiiculties to claerly express his views . Sometimes, redundant sentence structures can be revied to much more concise ones.
Score: 6
学习建议(这个就用中文写啦。。。):还有一个多月的时间 努力的话 应该 能提升0.5~1分 自学的话 建议多读读剑3~剑7的范文 读读外国杂志&报纸 New York Times, The Economists。。。
最重要的是多写多练 最最重要的是多修改~
如果经济条件允许的的话 找一位好老师 进行一对一辅导 帮你改作文 教你一些写作技巧
个人认为大班教学没有任何作用
祝你考试成功!!!
第3个回答 2009-07-25
1
It is clear that the proportion of the people receiving higher education is an upward trend.
我理解:proportion是trend,虽然句式不错,但主语应该有问题,要改下~
2
As can be seen from the bar graph,还有后面的bar diagram,开头用bar chart,我觉得这一类的表达最好保持一致,毕竟不是其他的动词或名词类的~不应该这么多变化
3
a slight increase of number of students receiving higher education in China from 1990(about 4%) to 1994 (approximately 11%).
感觉我改的两个of也很别扭。但我觉得原句的主语不是很明确,我是想把number作为主语提前,但是也找不到好的表达。
4
in the next two years arrived t roughly 22% in 1996
in the next two 和 in 1996重复了,有点累赘
5
approximately 10% between the years from 1996 to 1998 and to 2000 respectively.
后半段感觉缺了点什么
6
during the period between the years 2000 and 2002
个人感觉把the years去掉可能会好些
7
that the numbers in higher education in China has a dramatical rise between 1990 and 2004.
应该用the number ??
个人愚见,请参考。
LZ的表达句式和词汇量都非常棒哦~
第4个回答 2009-07-26
upward trend可以开成increasing trend.
as can be seen改成 it can be seen会好很多。
in Chinese higher education student numbers改成 in the number of Chinese students who attained higher education.
"in the next two years arrived to roughly 22%" 改成 "in the next two years reaching about 22%"
there was a substantial surge in the number of chinese students enrolled in higher education by approximately 10% from from the period from 1996 to 1998 and then to 2000. And the number in China(这个有点直待不明,不知道你指什么)ascended sharply from about 45% to 65% during a short period from 2000 to 2002, and the statistic(不要这么说,要说 and this number) increased slightly to just below 70%(不要用under)
therefore, it can be clearly seen from the bar diagram that there was a dramatic rise in the number of people attended higher education in China from 1990 to 2004.
还要多多练习阿,小毛病有点多,没事儿的,多练练就好了,尽量别用between 1990 and 2004,在说明表格里面用from 1990 to 2004更确切一些。 分数还应该不低的,所以加油把~